


You Have Me

by Eunoia_amavi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Mostly Sweet, kinda angsty, predict-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eunoia_amavi/pseuds/Eunoia_amavi
Summary: Dean never knows what to say, never can make himself say it, and now he can't.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 50





	You Have Me

**Author's Note:**

> my first ever posted fic, cause what the actual *fuck* is going on right now. wrote this instead of the two essays I need to be working on. might add more later. Basically I'm a clown.

The Bunker was far too quite. It took a good half an hour of sitting on the couch, not speaking, be fore Dean broke the silence.  
“Fuck,”  
Sam looked over and waited a beat for him to say something else.  
“I can’t believe she’s gone,” Sam said finally, and then, quieter, “I can’t believe I couldn’t protect her.”  
Dean looked down at his hands clasped in front of him,  
“I know, Sam.”  
“How can you know, Dean! I lost Eileen.”  
It might have riled Dean up at another point, but he was just too tired to be angry.  
“And I lost Cas, ok? I get it.”  
Sam paused, then said, “I know,” the clock on the wall seemed too loud, “that’s different.”  
Dean finally looked up, just for a moment, “no,” he said, so quietly that Sam barely heard, “it’s not.”  
Sam took a long moment. The wall clock didn’t seem very loud all of a sudden. Then Sam said,  
“We need to get them back.”  
~  
The spell they found probably shouldn’t work, if either of them were honest. Sam had a sneaking suspicion that the spell would work, and that Jack would have something to do with it, but he didn’t say it. As if saying it would negate it.   
They eventually decided that Sam would do it alone. Dean was fairly sure it would work, though he didn’t know why, and didn’t want to interrupt the reunion. He wasn’t quite sure he wouldn’t feel inappropriately upset. He took the Impala with the intent of finding a quiet bar and the strongest whiskey available.   
This he found, without much trouble, and got his drink, but as much as he wanted to, and hour and bit later he had barely drunk any. That’s when the text came from Sam  
Eileen is back.  
Then, awhile later  
everyone is here, come back  
And Dean knew that everyone was not quite everyone, or Sam would've said it. Everyone meant maybe Charlie, maybe Garth, maybe even Bobby, Ellen, Jody. Maybe any number of people he’d been stupid enough to care about. Just not Cas.   
He paid and left his drink on the bar. As he drove he was pretty sure he was dissociating too much for it to be safe, but that’s that problem isn’t it?   
He ends up at the edge of the woods, while it’s still a little light out. It’s darker under the trees. He doesn’t get far in before he’s stepping out into the gap in the trees. The open area is far too bare, so he sits down, back against a rough tree.  
“I’m not praying, Jack. But you gotta bring him back.”  
Then, after a moment, he says the more difficult thing,  
“Cas, you gotta come back… I’m sorry…” and then, “please…” Like begging will get him anywhere, but he’s too desperate to care.   
He’s staring across the gap of woods, and the shadows in the trees look like people from time to time. Until one shape breaks away from the edge of the woods. Dean’s first thought is oh now I’m in trouble, but he doesn’t really care. Maybe this is private property. It’s only when the figure is a maybe three yards away in the dim light that Dean actually registers the shape of the long coat. He stands, shouts,  
“Cas?” in a broken voice.   
It’s a trick, like Lucifer’s phone call, his hand goes to the knife in his pocket.   
So what if it’s a trick. He takes the few feet between them in less than a moment, wraps his arms around the shape of Cas and waits for the knife in his back, the gun to his head, the snap and he’ll suddenly just not exist. Arms wrap around him, tightly, hesitantly. Dean mutters “Cas” over and over, even through it’s not, it can’t be.   
“Hello, Dean”  
There’s no knife, no gun, and the voice sounds so very much like Cas. Dean steps back, hands still on Cas’ shoulders. He’s looking at Dean, head tilted, like Dean’s going to run off, and Dean’s hold on Cas’ jacket tightens as he lets himself think, maybe?  
“Are you really here? Cas…”   
And Cas says, “I’m sorry, Dean, I didn’t mean to come back, I know you don’t-”  
“No, no, c’mon man,” Dean says, “We need you here, I need you here. I’m glad you’re back.” He honestly thinks he’s probably delirious, “I can’t believe you’re back.”  
Cas smiles, a little sad, “Thank you, Dean.”  
Dean’s throat is choked up so that he can barely speak, but Cas is here and safe and real and he has to say it. He has to say something. In the end he can’t say what he really wants to say, isn’t actually sure what he really wants to say. Instead he fists the trench coat in one hand, the other still on Cas’ shoulder.  
“Cas, I-”  
“It’s ok Dean, I know you don’t-”  
“No, you don’t know.” He takes a breath, “you should know…. that you have me, Cas.”  
And Cas looks stunned like Dean hasn’t seen before,  
“No don’t just say that.” he begs and Dean feels like he’s twisting inside.  
“I mean it.”  
Cas looks at him very hard and after a long, painful moment, simply says “oh,” and falls back into Dean’s arms.  
~  
They’re halfway to the Impala and Dean stops. He can barely look at Cas but he also can’t and doesn’t want to look away. He’s sure he’s in shock, but Cas has been holding onto his arm the entire time they’ve been walking and he’s probably said enough but Cas might still stubbornly be misunderstanding him and that thought just freezes him.  
“Dean, are you ok?”  
Dean swallows hard, “Cas, I need…” he’s not sure what.  
Cas looks a little panicked and it hurts Dean again that he keeps doing this to him.   
“I love you so much.” and this time he falls into Cas, clutching his coat and murmuring incomprehensibly.   
Cas just says “Dean” over and over, like a prayer, and lays one hand on the back of his head and it feels like a blessing.   
In a moment they’ll get to the car, go home and see everyone else, alive and real, and Sam will understand and Dean can just be happy. Sometime later they’ll fall into a new routine and Cas will be there. It just seems perfect all of a sudden. And right now they can breath, because now Dean’s sure Cas understands, even though it feels like he still hasn’t said it right. It’s right enough.


End file.
